First questions first. Cutting is the SM practice of using a scalpel or other fine blade to make shallow cuts in the top layer of your partner’s skin. Play piercing is using very fine needles to pierce your partner temporarily, removing the needles at...
Like all alternate sexualities, SM is stigmatized in many ways by most of society. In extreme cases, SM players are prosecuted legally. or persecuted by people who would _like_ to so prosecute them. This section of the FAQ describes some of these ongoing battles. (See...
Often the “hanky code” is mentioned on s.s.b-b. What is it? It’s a tradition in the scene that if you’re into certain types of activities you can indicate them by wearing a handkerchief in either your left or right back pockets. The color...
All these things–erotic clothing or objects of whatever type–are “fetishes”. A fetish is any object which has sexual connotations for you. If it makes you feel sexy to wear it, or to see it on someone else, it’s a fetish. There’s...
Often people approach SM with nothing but negative stereotypes in their mind. The will-less slave dominated by the overbearing thoughtless master. The pervert who enjoys being hit because he thinks he deserves no better. These images, negatively charged with...
SM is often play, and as such is fun! But SM can also get intense and powerful. Here are some useful tips for people just getting started. Emotional safety First of all, communicate. Let your partner know what you want and don’t want. Keep the dialogue going;...
Sometimes people who are attracted by some aspects of SM worry that they will immediately go from enjoying spanking and light bondage to fisting and golden showers. Nothing could be further from the truth. SM is a blanket term for a huge variety of alternative ways to...
Some people enjoy playing with cutting off their air during heavy scenes. This can be as simple as squeezing someone’s neck while you kiss them deeply, or as complex as a full-head latex hood and gas mask over a straitjacket. As your air is cut off, you can feel...
Another kind of play, also known as “water sports”. Basically, some people enjoy urinating on their lovers, or having their lovers piss on them. Pissing is really a very intimate thing; your urine is a part of you, it’s warm and wet, it feels good to...
Back in the days of yore, the group for discussing kinky topics was alt.sex.bondage. This group was created in response to a joke, which turned serious once people actually started using the group. But there was never any charter or definition of what was and...
s.s.b-b, like all Usenet groups, has its share of flame wars. Many of them revolve around questions of whether particular BDSM activities are healthy or not (the usual answer: “They’re risky, but it’s possible to do them safely and beneficially, and...
Plenty of places, bunky! Looking for a kinky partner? Try posting your personal ad in alt.personals.bondage or alt.personals.fetish. Looking to buy or sell some stuff? Try posting in alt.sex.marketplace or alt.sex.erotica.marketplace. Hmm, that sort of covers it for...
Another fetish many people have is smooth skin, with no body hair. Shaven skin is silky soft, completely and utterly naked, and very vulnerable. Shaven legs, armpits, or genitals can feel very different indeed than hairy ones… and since the name of the game is...
One of the problems with SM is the social programming against it. Our culture isn’t used to the idea that sex is fun and pushing one’s limits in search of pleasure is a damned enjoyable thing to do. Moreover, there are many people who confuse fantasy and...
If what I’ve been saying in this FAQ is accurate, then why haven’t more people heard this? Why are the prevailing images of SM so negative? There is no doubt that they _are_ negative. Not long ago I was informed that there are some members of the Winnipeg...
When first getting into the scene, it can often be somewhat intimidating to try playing with SM, especially if neither of you have done it before. Here’s this wonderful person, who wants you to dominate them. You tie them up, and they’re helpless,...
Everyone (well, almost everyone) knows what finger-fucking is. Whether in ass or pussy, it’s terrifically enjoyable to stroke someone inside. (Fingers up a man’s ass, if aimed properly, will tickle his prostate gland, which feels AMAZINGLY good… just...
What are some web sites/books/magazines/organizations/stores/news archives where I can get SM information or toys, or meet people in the scene? Well, time does take its toll on the kinky businesses of the world. This list was always abbreviated but lately it has...
It can also be hard to learn to bottom, if what you’re used to is topping. Giving up control, surrendering, can be a difficult thing, when you’re used to holding the reins in your hands. If you find yourself manipulating your top, trying to coerce them...
Anal sex, practiced properly, is as safe as any other kind of sex. And people do it because it feels good–the anus can be an intensely erogenous zone. In fact, far more straight people than gay people practice anal sex! The anus contains more nerve endings than...
This page contains sexual discussion. If you do not want to read sexually explicit material, please obtain software which allows you to block it out on your system. This FAQ Has Evolved! The soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm FAQ list is the new incarnation of this FAQ. Go...
One way of thinking about whipping is as another way of touching someone. People who are just getting into SM frequently play with spanking; it’s fun to be spanked! It’s a punishment, it’s a strong stimulus, it hurts very pleasurably. But if...
The simplest way to fit in in a play party is to behave politely. There will be people right in front of you who are doing very sexual things. They are doing them for _their_ pleasure, not for yours. Stay away from the action unless invited to participate– and a...
There are many people who post to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm through the wizvax Anonymous Posting Service, and many others who post from pseudonymous accounts. The reasons are obvious; “kinky sex” in our society is stigmatized, and being openly interested...
This is one of those troublingly general questions that simply begs for a flame war. There is no shortage of kinky people who get turned on by kinky behavior. There is also no shortage of kinky people that don’t. And then there are the kinky people who find some...
Often people outside the scene don’t see the appeal in any of the things SM people do that look painful. What’s enjoyable about being hit? Where’s the fun in getting bruised? Well, think about this. Have you ever had intense sex and afterwards...
A question I’ve been getting more and more often as my FAQ spreads outwards into the world is, “I can’t read soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm, but the stuff you talk about in your FAQ sounds really interesting. Are there any ways for me to access...
SM has definite connotations of theater. The fact that you are a submissive while you’re playing sexually does not mean you are a pushover in real life, nor does your being a dominant while playing mean that you are an overbearing egotist. These are roles that...
One of the thrills of SM is that it can stretch your limitations. If you enjoy this sort of play, you can naturally find yourself trying more and more new things, accepting greater and greater levels of sensation, doing and feeling more than you’ve ever done or...
Piercings aren’t just done to ears. People on this list have their nipples, navels, eyebrows, clitoris hoods, penises, labia, and other body parts pierced, and bits of metal permanently in the piercings. These are the bare facts, but this practice, it turns out,...
Sometimes on a.s.b, people will post wondering if what they do is “heavy” enough to be worth talking about. How can a mere novice who just got spanked for the first time presume to post about how it felt, when there are people out there who wouldn’t...
One perception that some people can have, looking into the scene from outside, is that people are either tops or bottoms. Either you like to dominate, or you like to be dominated. And sometimes novices become confused, because they’re excited by _both_...
This is the last question in another guise. Is it possible for there to be consensual non-consensuality? That is, can someone agree to be in a situation from which they cannot escape, and to live that way? This topic can inspire flame wars, as follows: historical...
One of the paradoxes of SM revolves around consensuality. Everything in SM is consensual; although the top is in control, it was the bottom’s choice to allow the top to _be_ in control. And since most of the time the top is trying to keep the bottom happy, and...
Lots of reasons. For many people, the knowledge that they are helpless, that someone else can do things with their body and they can’t prevent them, is a powerful turn-on. “I’m going to make you come and there’s nothing you can do about...
Occasionally on soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm there is a flurry of email about some event that recently occurred (often in the SF Bay area) at which many net.folks were in attendance, and about the tremendously enjoyable things that transpired there. Then others around...
